I am a fashionable boy. I have always been it. I am cheap AND fashionable. How is that possible? I am lucky to have a body where clothes fit well. I can often wear even cheap clothes and look good, as long as the cheap clothes fit me. I wear clothes that look good but don’t cost an arm and a leg. This includes my underwear.

The underwear that I have been wearing for years fit me well and looked good, but it is getting old and worn. Time to buy new underwear. Unfortunately, the new version of my existing underwear has changed; I tried two different sizes and both sizes suck and fit me badly. So I went fancy and considered switching to expensive designer men’s underwear, boxer briefs. In a cool camo pattern.

I was considering buying boxer briefs from Calvin Klein. They weren’t cheap so I wanted to make sure of fit, comfort, etc. No, you can’t go to the department store, open a pack of men’s underwear and try them on. Therefore, buying underwear is always a risk. And all too often the brand you used for a decade has changed – it’s made in some cheap labor country, it doesn’t fit you, and it’s of much less unacceptable quality. Trash. And unbearable.

And no, I don’t wear neat white clothes and I haven’t since high school. And I have tried various brands of briefs and none fit me. I have spent an awful lot of hundreds of dollars unsuccessfully trying to find underwear that looks good AND fits.

I checked Amazon and they offered me the Calvin Klein brand and style. My size. I zoomed in on the article and it looked good quality with reviews saying it was a good, accurate fit. So far so good. However, I couldn’t tell from the photo if they had a side or top opening on the pouch to facilitate urination. He definitely wanted that. I asked the amazon “community” question and got an answer right away. “No, there is no opening in the front.” That? Without a front opening, how does a man unbutton his pants and pull out his penis to urinate? There is no opening in the front of the underwear to do that? That means a man has to unbutton and unbutton and unbutton his pants, pull down his pants, and then pull down his underwear just to pee. And stand up, that is not convenient. Or fast. Or, with your pants falling around your ankles, it’s not good for your balance. The other alternative is to do all of that and sit on the toilet and urinate. Urinate like a girl. Hey underwear makers, I don’t want to go through unzipping, unbuckling my belt, unzipping my pants, and pulling my underwear down just to filter! And I CERTAINLY don’t want to do all of that and then sit on the toilet and pee like a girl! When men only have to pee, real men pee standing up!

By removing the front slit, men’s underwear designers are taking away our manhood! Men’s underwear designers are taking away our virility and turning us into girls! When I have to pee, I just want to get my penis out easily, quickly and safely, through my fly, and run to the bathroom! Standing. Like a man.

With that being the case, I will definitely not be buying these Calvin Klein boxer briefs. What will I do with the underwear? I do not know. Maybe I’ll go to command and wear no underwear at all. Yuck. Or maybe I’ll try the “Depends” incontinence underwear and just pee in my pants.

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