By 
Let’s face it: some nurses enjoy eating their young. Some are not nice to their colleagues: new nurses, older nurses. Some have fun playing spoiler or bully, committing acts of treason ranging from damaging or destroying the property of others to spreading lies about colleagues and attempting to destroy their reputations or get them fired. When these behaviors are tolerated, the workplace becomes toxic.
With today’s economic challenges, few nurses say, “That’s it, I’m out of here.” Instead, they bite their tongues, dreading another day at work. And, the perpetrator of the nasty behavior knows that he is getting a free pass, no one confronts him. In fact, misbehavior has escalated in many workplaces simply because they know the “target” of their misbehavior is not responding in a confrontational fashion.
How do you deal with the aggressor, the “scammer,” as I like to call the backstabbing variety, without exposing yourself to further attack? How to turn the saboteur or harasser into an ally, or at least a non-aggressor? And how do you deal with pit bulls making fun of bullying co-workers?
The Sabotage Savvy Questionnaire was created in 1986 and has been modified eight times, each time I set out to do a follow-up study in the workplace. He examined preferences when working with gender; whether horizontal violence and conflict had increased or decreased since the previous study; and what was the cost to the victim; what was the profit for the perpetrator. The questions were presented in a true/false, multiple-choice, and open-ended format.
And the respondents ever responded! Over 3,000 women and men completed the survey that became the genesis of Stabotage! How to deal with pit bulls, skunks, snakes, scorpions, and slugs in the healthcare workplace.
The survey results, along with hundreds of personal interviews, coined the word stabotage, a new generation of women and men whose primary goal was to make their target’s life a personal hell. These scammers actually enjoyed their negative action, getting a “kick” like someone who has been hit with drugs. It is the “solution” of the staboteur. And the people who need a solution, need later ones: the same objective or continuous.
Stabotage is the intentional undermining of another. The goal is to diminish or destroy the target’s credibility, reputation, and trust. The action can be performed overtly or covertly.
Ask most nurses and they will tell you that they deplore bullying and sabotage in their workplaces. However, they will also tell you that they witness it, or are subject to it, almost routinely.
What’s the score? Toxic, bullying, and backstabbing behavior lowers morale, magnifies stress, reduces productivity, and increases turnover. Collectively, it costs employers millions of dollars a year. Unless the perpetrators are dealt with, victims quit their jobs or stay but emotionally distance themselves from the workplace.
There is a gender factor
Healthcare workplaces are overwhelmingly female. In the nine national studies I conducted on workplace issues that focused on conflict behaviors, sabotage, and harassment, each time a large percentage of respondents reported that they prefer not to work with gender. Unfortunately, that gender is feminine.
In the Stabotage! study, 26 percent of women surveyed said they’d rather not work with other women. Have you looked at your nursing population lately? My last count showed that the ratio of male nurses to female nurses was still overwhelmingly female. Think about it, if you have about a quarter of your co-workers who prefer not to work with the majority, what kind of workplace will you end up in? Guaranteed not highly productive or collaborative!
Style matters too. Women are more likely to sabotage covertly, while men have a more overt style. In other words, if a woman is a con artist among you, she is more inclined to be a “traitor” (ie behaving covertly) while the men were “front stabbers” (behaving overtly).
Facing the Staboteteer
A toxic workplace is bad for everyone, but facing a harasser or spoiler is not pleasant either. Most of us would rather have a root canal than have to deal with the toxic guy or the guy you have to work with.
Can workplace sabotage and bullying be stopped? Yes, if you use the right strategy and tactics.
First, call things as they are. Many women are reluctant to label undermining activities as sabotage. But that’s exactly what backstabbing, gossiping, taking credit for, and not passing on vital information is all about.
Confrontation is crucial to eliminate any bad behavior. The sooner the better. Do not let yourself wallow in a conspiracy of silence. Too many don’t speak, at least not to the right people. Women are more inclined to confide in a colleague, friend, or relative than to confront the person who makes them feel miserable. For many of us, confrontation is scary.
By remaining silent, you are tolerating the behavior of the spoiler or harasser. You’re saying, “Keep doing it, to me, to anyone. It’s okay.” That is the wrong message to convey. Confrontation, on the other hand, lets this person know that you are not a pushover. Back up and walk away.
Use the CarefrontingScript model
Carefronting (which means caring enough to confront) is a communication model you can use to confront disrespectful behavior face-to-face in a caring yet assertive way. It is based on a standard conflict resolution script that has been around for a long time. I am ashamed to say that it took me 20 years to modify the old dialogue and create one that had meaning, influence, confrontation, acceptance and a consequence.
CarefrontingScript
When you _________________________________________ .
(What was the action?)
I felt ____________________________________________ .
(What was his reaction? Was he angry, upset, feeling betrayed?)
Because __________________________________________ .
(How does it look, sound, or feel? Does the person never seem to give credit to anyone on the team, sound like they’re spreading rumors on purpose, or feel like they’re deliberately backstabbing the team?)
Was it your intention to ________________________________?
(Repeat what the action was…then STOP! Do not respond until
there is an answer from the other side.)
In the future _____________________________________ .
(What behavior do you want to see? Be specific, say what you want.)
Are you engaged to ______________________________?
(What you want them to do.)
If there is no change, _____________________________ .
(What is the consequence? For example, will you include everyone on the email distribution list so that proper credit is given?)
The more practical and comfortable you become with using CarefrontingScript, the more successful you will be in dealing with any stalkers and scammers in your midst. He may even become your ally because he perceives you as someone he shouldn’t mess with.
return attack
Toxic behavior is bad news for everyone. Your confidence and your mental (and sometimes physical) health are at stake. Spoilers and stalkers choose their victims carefully, constantly scanning the environment for people who seem to lack trust. By acting confident (even when you have to brag), you eliminate yourself as a target. Why? You are simply too much work for them to try to bring you down.
The final step in changing sabotaging or bullying behavior is to implement your commitment not to play the game.
Don’t just talk about it; put a dick behind his bark. When someone does something unacceptable, call that person out, to their face, openly. Take care of him. CarefontingScript will change your life.
It takes courage to face a torturer. But is it worth it. No workplace should be toxic. If yours is, and you can’t alter the scammer’s behavior, walk away. Now.
©2008 Judith Briles
http://www.briles.com