By 
I have found it helpful to describe the psychology of families in terms of ABC, where the letters in this case stand for Attachment, Boundaries, and Communication. Unhealthy or dysfunctional families typically include insecure attachment, poor boundaries, and closed communications. As a subtitle we can talk about the three R’s, in this case Rules, Roles and Resulting Relationships.
Abusive families generally show the same rules as alcoholic families, that is, the rules of Silence, Denial and Isolation.
The rule of silence forbid talking about the problem, not only outside the family but even with other family members.
The rule of denial it requires children to act as if nothing is wrong, even when every part of their being insists that the way they have been treated is terribly wrong.
The isolation rule it keeps family members apart and isolates the family from the rest of the community.
Roles found in alcoholic families also appear in abusive families, but we must consider the special drama associated with this type of dysfunctional family.
The abuse it often seems to have no boundaries at all, but you may attribute the abusive behavior to alcohol, anger, or some other influence.
The victim She often accepts this role to protect her children, in the case of a mother, or her younger siblings, in the case of a boy.
the viewer it may be a passive spouse who denies the problem or conspires to ignore it.
The pattern of abuse tends to be perpetuated in subsequent generations. We have all read how victims of abuse often become abusers themselves, but the cycle can take a more insidious form. The child of an abusive parent, for example, who is absolutely determined to avoid these bad traits, may become passive and detached as an adult. As a consequence, his children may grow up to be spoiled, pampered, or narcissistic, characteristics that may well contribute to their becoming abusers in the next generation. Abused children often lack healthy self-esteem and the personal boundaries that go with good self-esteem. As adults, they may find themselves unable to cope with a family member who calls every day, insisting on a long monologue.
I have recommended Anne Katherine’s book, Limits: where you end and I begin (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1991) to various clients. Those who have grown up in an abusive family may find the book of particular interest.