By 
Many of the wives who contact me are dealing with a husband who seems to be going through a midlife crisis. This may be true whether or not there is a separation. These wives watch as their husband becomes emotionally distant from their marriage, their spouse, and her family. They watch as her husband rejects what was once dear to him. They watch how she not only isolates herself, but sometimes lashes out at him for some imagined offense that the wife never committed. At first, the wife might try to ignore these slights. But over time, she can become increasingly difficult to deny.
You can even ask your husband if he has done something wrong. And he can deny that she is to blame. He can tell her it’s not her, it’s him. And yet he remains emotionally cruel or even downright mean. She might explain: “I would never have described my husband as a mean or cruel person. In fact, his kindness is what attracted me to him. He has always gone out of his way to show me how much he values for me. He has always been wonderfully sweet. But last year, things changed dramatically. It happened after his 50th birthday. My husband is now questioning everything. The things that used to satisfy him are no longer good enough for him. Many of his friends are starting their second marriages with younger wives. And I can’t help but notice that ever since this all started, my husband is very critical of me. He talks to me in a sarcastic tone. He never used to challenge my judgments or opinions before. But now, he’ll act like I’m wrong or just wrong. if he wasn’t very bright when he questions my ideals. It’s not a joke. In fact, there are times when it almost feels like an attack, like he’s criticizing or rejecting the values we both used to hold. leave. d this pettiness. He denies that he did anything wrong. I have questioned him and searched my memory to determine if there is anything he could have done. I keep coming out empty. I am at a loss. I think I am a good wife who is mostly considerate and loving. So I don’t understand where this pettiness is coming from.”
Understand what you’re fighting for: I know it’s almost impossible not to take this personally. But sometimes a man going through a midlife crisis will almost reject every part of his life, including his marriage, until he realizes none of it will make things any better. He will reject his old life and try new roles, desperately wanting to feel at peace again. There are times when this is a frustrating process. He is trying very hard to find his place in the world while he is in middle age. It is disturbing to look around him and realize that he is much more than halfway to mortality and that his time is short.
Part of midlife crisis is desperately trying to figure out how you want to spend the time you have. There can be almost frenzied juggling, as you try out new roles and temporarily pause or discard old ones. That’s no excuse, of course. But it’s the way a man often feels.
Why you may be seeing bad behavior: This discarding of the old or the comfortable may be the reason you see him remain distant and act badly. He’s still not sure where you fit into this new life. So he’s emotionally distancing himself until he figures it all out. Pettiness could well be born of frustration. You expect to feel better, but you haven’t gotten the relief you hoped for. There are moments in the process when men feel like an old fool instead of a reborn person (as they expected). This can mean that anyone who is around feels the brunt of this disappointment.
I’m not defending middle-aged men who are mean to their wives. But sometimes, it helps to remember that even if it doesn’t seem like it, it’s usually a man who’s struggling. This does not excuse his treatment of you. And you’d be within your rights to say something or apologize the next time it happens.
What to watch: What you really want to be observant of is noticing if their frustration turns into indifference. Believe it or not, indifference is more dangerous to a marriage than anger or frustration, at least in my opinion. A man who distances himself from his marriage may eventually become indifferent. And this is when his emotions and his commitment to you can fade.
I don’t want to scare you. Many men eventually come to their senses and escape the midlife crisis with no problem. For many, it is a temporary situation. But you want to be aware of that indifference. Because the sooner you address it, the better you will be at preserving the health of your marriage.