Often when a husband announces that he is leaving, the wife expects him to quickly pack up and begin the separation. Not that this is what the wife wants to happen. But when someone makes such a serious announcement, well, the assumption is that no one would want to delay on this, since once the decision has been made, it’s probably easier to go ahead and move on.

However, this is not what always happens. Some husbands make this announcement and then don’t move right away. Some still tell their wives they are leaving, even as they continue to park on the couch and use the refrigerator. A wife might say, “I really don’t get it. Three weeks ago my husband came home and announced he was leaving me. He said our marriage hasn’t been good for a while and he thinks we should take a break and live apart.” to see what happens. This is not what I want. In my heart, I feel that if he leaves, he might never come back and we could end up divorced. In fact, he told me that. He wanted to leave on a Friday night. I was hoping he would I’m moving out that weekend. Why wait? If you’re going to take the initiative to tell your wife you’re leaving her, I think you’ll want to leave as soon as possible. However, that’s not the case. It’s been three weeks and he’s still at our house he’s still complaining he still says he’s going to leave and yet he’s still here I’m afraid to ask him why he’s still here because I’m afraid he’ll take that to mean that I wanted him out. or laziness to find a new place, but that doesn’t make sense. or, since my husband earns more than me. Why do men say they want to leave their wives and then stay home?”

I can only speculate, because there are a variety of reasons. I’ll list a few of them below so you can see if any of them might ring true.

He may not actually want to leave and was just trying to get a reaction: Sometimes a husband is really frustrated with the marriage or the situation, but doesn’t know how to create change. He may have tried to make a change without success, or he may be afraid that you will resist or become defensive. Therefore, he exposes “abandonment” in the hope that he will try to stop it or that he will then be open to negotiating the change.

He may be trying to move at the right time or in the right way: Some husbands take their time to move. Many are not as enthusiastic about moving from their comfortable family home to a smaller apartment. Others will try to leave their wife in a good place before physically moving. What I mean by that is that some will complete any necessary repairs and maintenance before they leave so their wife doesn’t have to worry about it.

He may be having doubts: This is the final suggestion I will make. We all say things or make decisions out of frustration, only to have second thoughts later. Actually, moving out of your home and seeking a separation is a big step. And it would be completely normal for him to reconsider and then hesitate to admit it. It is possible that he is waiting for this to end or that you ask him not to leave.

Decide where to go from here: Since you can’t know which of the above is true (unless he tells you), then you have to ask yourself what really matters more. If you want to save your marriage, then I think you need to focus on the fact that at least he’s still there, whatever the reason. It is much easier to save your marriage when your husband is physically present. When she moves away, it can be difficult to reconnect and not have repeated misunderstandings since communication is limited and not always face to face. Yes, I know it’s frustrating that he’s sending mixed signals and that this is confusing. But I think it’s better to focus on the fact that he’s there instead of questioning him and then forcing him out. If you can use this time to make things better so he doesn’t go ahead and walk away, then that’s probably the best option.

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