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“My kids are just lazy.”
“Why is it so hard for my daughter to keep her room clean?”
“It’s easier to avoid a fight and just do my kids’ chores for them.”
“If I let my kids clean up, I’ll have to go back and redo things anyway…”
Have you ever had thoughts like these? I’m sure all parents have. So what is to be done?
How can you get your kids to help around the house, and maybe even enjoy it?
Last Friday, a parent in my daughter’s first grade class asked me the following question:
“I’m thinking of giving my son some responsibility
or ‘homework’ to teach responsibility for self and others and property. Do
Do you have any idea what would be appropriate for a 6 year old?…”
Ahhh… creating a responsible child. YES, I believe that giving responsibility to children
at a young age is fantastic! If you haven’t started giving to your children
responsibility, start NOW!!
Children love to have structure in their lives, they may not always act as if
do, but studies have shown that structure and accountability are actually two
things that children crave in their daily lives. You can start from 18
months old responsibly. Now I know many of you are thinking,
Tammi is crazy, how can an 18 month old learn responsibility? An example of this
is when your child is done playing with something, ask him to help you pick it up
above. If there are blocks lying on the floor, say, ‘Can you help Mom put one down?
block in the box? Show them what you mean and ask them to follow your lead.
Once your child has done this once, make a big fuss of it. praise them, clap your hands
for them, give them a high five or a hug. Have fun with the fact that your child
he just listened to you and helped you pick up a toy. You can not only use this time
not a time to teach responsibility, but a general time to
teaching. For example, ‘Can you pick up a toy that has red on it and put it on
Your basket?’ They’re not just cleaning up, but they’re working on the color,
Number, shape recognition too. Turn learning and your child into a game
They will pick up not only their toys, but essential academics as well.
For older children, play the game ‘I Spy’ with them. If your room is a
mess, go up with them and say ‘I see something green’. when they pick up
the green object, say yes and ask them to put it away. So make your son spy
something for you to pick and pick up. Simple game that you can play with your
child and you clean the room at the same time. The key to having a
responsible child has expectations for them. will they always do
What is asked of them? No, but always including them in family duties, not only
teaches them responsibility, but really makes them feel like they are a part of
family and that are important to you. The advantage here is that you get to
spend more time with your child in a positive way.
Here is a list of possible ideas for your children to help you:
4 years and under:
* Put away toys (even if they are few at first)
* help you put away cutlery. Give them the spoons to put in the drawer. (
of course most won’t end up in the right place at first, but that’s okay)
* Ask them to help you with dinner (putting dry ingredients in a recipe)
* Ask them to keep towels or kitchen towels in the drawer that they can reach
* Ask them to put non-breakable items (fruit) in the fridge after shopping.
shopping.
*Ask them to get diapers or wipes you may need to change a younger sibling
*Have them push the chairs after dinner.
* Give them a broom and ask them to sweep (Again, they won’t be good at it, but
praise them, they are trying and that is the most important thing)
5 years and older:
* Increase the frequency in which you are responsible for things
* Put your dirty dishes on the counter or rinse them in the sink
* Set the table (Have all the plates, utensils, cups, etc. for them and have
they set the table)
* Ask them to sweep up after dinner.
*Empty part or all of the dishwasher or put away clean dishes after washing.
washed
* Feed a pet with water or food.
* Clean your dirty clothes and make sure they are in the right place
*Ask them to make their own bed (It may not look like what you want, but arrange
later after they have left the room)
* Ask them to put their backpack and coat away after school.
* Ask them to take out their clothes for school the next day
*Give them a Clorox wipe and ask them to wipe down bathroom counters
* Give them a rag with dusting product and ask them to dust all the furniture.
at your level
The list is endless, be creative and mix it up from time to time.
I have found with my own children that I involve them more in my daily life.
activities, the more willing they are to help me and not resist. Tea
another night we were talking to our two oldest daughters (11 ½ and 10) and we told them
once a week, we wanted them to help clean up the kitchen after dinner. well our
youngest daughter (7 years old) and she also wanted to be in on the action. while she
older sister rescued them, helped our 10-year-old son clean up all the
kitchen. They even put the extra food in the fridge with saran wrap. Us
we told both girls how proud we were of them and how special they made us feel
do something so nice for us. They were grinning from ear to ear. later that
night my husband was going to clean the bathroom floor and our youngest cam walked in
and said she wanted to do it, so there she was, on her hands and knees, scrubbing
to that bathroom floor. He did a great job and we were very proud of her, there was
There were lots of compliments, hugs and kisses. Now, would I expect this from her on a weekly basis or
daily? No, but he was very proud of her, and more importantly, she was proud of him.
herself.
I know that children need expectations placed on them. Will they always welcome this?
No, but they actually expect this from their parents. today too many parents
they want to be friends with their children and make their lives as easy as possible
possible. Unfortunately, this is not the real world in which they will one day live.
in. Have expectations for your children and help them to be responsible people.