By 
There is a lot of talk about real men. I have read articles on what it means to be a real man and some point in the right direction. I have my own sense of what it means to live authentically, and when I stray from what I consider to be my authentic path, I invariably suffer the consequences.
I try to surround myself with men who also try to live authentically. These are men who live openly and with integrity, and have little in their lives that they feel they need to hide. Of course, this leaves many men out of my life, but experience has taught me that it is not the number of friends a man has that matters, but the quality of his friends.
I refuse to associate with men who live dishonestly with their wives and girlfriends. They asked me to cover men who cheat on their wives, and I refused, because a friend would never ask another friend to lie, for any reason. I especially avoid men who don’t have a moral compass and who pretend not to know the difference between right and wrong when it suits their needs. A man who lies is not trustworthy. Where there is no trust, there is no love.
What is left to choose from are the best men who can always be trusted for their frankness and integrity. My friends are concerned about me and my well-being. I know that if I need a favor or help of any kind, they will be quick to come to my aid. My true male friends work hard to be the best husbands and boyfriends possible. When their relationships hit a rough patch, the first thing that comes to mind is not having sex with other women to make themselves feel better, but rather doing work to figure out how to get their relationships back on track. Again, it’s about integrity.
My friends understand the basic principles that I taught my children since they were little. Nothing worthwhile in life is easy, and that hard work is almost always necessary to achieve real life goals. There are no shortcuts to living authentically and it is almost impossible not to alienate men who believe otherwise.
Sometimes a man has to admit that he is wrong and agree with it. You may be embarrassed by the way other men view what you’ve done, but you understand on a deeper level that everything about your manhood isn’t connected to your ego or your cock. Also understand that no one is right all the time and that apologizing is not a sign of weakness.
My friends never utter racial slurs or embrace any form of bigotry. They are bigger men than that. Like me, they have no interest or tolerance for racial or religious jokes. While most of my friends have spiritual values and beliefs, no one talks about them or tries to convert anyone.
My friends do not offer advice because they realize that advice is of little value. What we offer each other is information drawn entirely from our own experiences in similar situations. We talked about what we did that worked and what didn’t, and we talked about how the experience felt, on an emotional level. We understand the need to help each other heal when we have been hurt.
My friends know that being a parent means that instead of playing ball or golf on Saturday morning, a parent spends that time teaching their children the lessons that will carry them throughout their lives. They know that being a parent doesn’t end the moment their kids go to college or the military after high school. They accept that as long as they live, they will be involved in their children’s lives.
They did not bully their children, they nurtured them. They do not offer advice to their adult children unless they ask for it. That’s part of building trust with grown children, because our sons and daughters know they can trust that we won’t preach to them every time they come to us with their problems. My friends and I resist the temptation to solve everyone’s problems, especially since most people just want a soundboard, not a solution.
Most of my closest friends are men I’ve been in a men’s group with for decades. We have helped each other understand how to live authentically, and when we fail to stay on that path, we gently guide each other back to it. Does all this make my friends and I real men? He does it in my book.