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Rick Horne provides an accurate view of where we are today and how parents and others who work with adolescents can address anger.
Both adults and adolescents are guilty of sinful actions and attitudes. Home reminds us of this truth and throughout the book he uses Scripture to support his suggestions. When talking to teens, we must remember that they are not the only ones who sin. We must not ignore their sin, but by remembering our own tendencies we can open doors to reach adolescents. By determining to glorify God in our interactions, we present a position that will lead teens to open up and talk.
Horne uses many examples of adult-teen interactions, some not-so-great examples and some better ones following his plan. Our author describes and then suggests the following action plan for parents or others working with the angry adolescent:
- Llisten big
- againstlarify narrow
- Lok wide
- Pshort
listening big allows you to identify “wise wishes” that you can use to build a bridge with your teen. By pointing out to her teen that he wishes wisely and that he has been successful on at least one occasion, she encourages him not to give up. This requires you to be a thoughtful listener, checking that you understand what your teen is saying. Part of this is watching your teen’s body language and using your own in a positive way. Alternatively, the adolescent will say things like, “You don’t understand.” Or “You never listen to me.”
“The purpose in the heart of man is like deep water, but the man of understanding will draw it up.” Proverbs 20:5
clearing up narrow it requires the firm foundation of the bridge you have built. Bringing the adolescent to recognize her “wise desires” and that she has the power to choose wisely or lead ill helps to clarify her situation. This process helps the adolescent see the cause and effect relationship in her choices. Obviously, her relationship with Christ will affect how she chooses and how you address her.
“Good sense wins favor, but the treacherous path is their ruin.” Proverbs 13:15
looking wide for your teen solutions means finding exceptions to past behavior. In the past, she chose wisely and thus produced good results. This can provide a pattern and stimulus for future elections.
Paraphrase of Proverbs 30:24-28 “Take advantage of opportunities (as ants do), places of refuge (as rabbits do), the ability to cooperate (as locusts do) and perseverance (as lizards do) that your creator has given you.” Or “look at the resources that God has put into your past and present, and used them to create solutions to the challenges you face now.”
Horne offers sage advice when he says that we should recognize that resistance from our teen may mean that we are pushing our own solution rather than allowing him to discover his.
little planning reminds us not to expect too much too soon. Setting an achievable goal lays the foundation for the long-term reset of more achievable goals. These objectives must also be specific so that they can be measurable.
Once your teen has taken a small step in the right direction, keep the conversation going by guiding him to continue setting specific, measurable, and achievable goals. Finally, in the last chapter, the author reminds us that the ultimate goal is to point our teen to the cross.
Solomon warned the youth that “there is a path that seems right to a man, but in the end it is the path of death.” Proverbs 14:12
Rick Horne has done a great job of providing good information for parents and others as they work with angry teens. This book is a must read! Horne’s other books include: Exit my case and walk through the college planning process All are available through http://www.amazon.com