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Even as a child, James was described by teachers and parents as a happy optimist. As the story goes, one day his parents decided to play a prank on him and test his attitude by asking him to spend an afternoon cleaning deserted stables at what had been a local racetrack.
Returning after two hours, James’s parents observed him singing while happily shoveling manure. Amazed, they leaned closer, only to hear him say to himself over and over, “There’s got to be a pony here somewhere.”
James naturally did what researchers are increasingly discovering: optimistic thinking skills are a powerful antidote to anger in part because the optimist has better resistance to depression when bad events occur, better performance at work, better physical health, and better relationships. Who couldn’t admire and love a person with such a great attitude?
But what if you’re not naturally optimistic? How can you become an optimist if you now insist on seeing the glass as half empty instead of half full?
The good news is that, according to psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman, optimism is a learned mental skill. As a past president of the American Psychological Association, he has a lot of research to back up his theory.
There are four ways to argue with yourself:
At its core, optimism is a style of interpreting events that occur in your world: it is your personal theory or explanation of why good and bad things happen to you.
While everyone experiences setbacks and victories in the normal course of life, optimists, in contrast to pessimists, have a very different style of explaining things to themselves.
Put another way, it is your belief about what is happening to you that determines your reaction rather than the event itself.
Disputing Your Beliefs Punch is a thinking skill, mastery of which will transform you into an optimistic thinking style. There are four ways to do this:
1.) Look at the evidence. According to Dr. Seligman, the most convincing way to dispute a negative belief is to show that it is factually incorrect.
Most of the time you will have ‘reality’ on your side. His role is that of a detective as he asks, “What is the evidence for my belief?”
For example, is it really true that you never succeed at anything? (Very doubtful. Everyone succeeds sometimes.) That you’re the worst parent, you know? (Can you remember any successes you’ve had as a parent?)
That you are an incurable glutton? (Can you sometimes resist food?) (How many times have you been selfless?)
Using this ability to look at the evidence, you can defeat pessimism with a more accurate perception and recall of what is actually true.
2.) Consider alternative causes. Most events in the world have more than one cause. Pessimists cling to the most insidious; optimists are more likely to take a breather.
For example, a marriage breakdown often has many causes that likely contributed to its downfall. You can blame yourself. You can blame your partner. A more optimistic interpretation is that neither of them failed as individuals; it was the relationship (the combination) that failed.
3.) Put events in perspective. If the facts are not on your side and you honestly cannot see other causes for a negative event, you will need to analyze the implications of your beliefs in order to become an optimistic thinker.
Is the event really as catastrophic as you imagine? (Hint: few things are). Usually, the implications or long-term effects of your misfortune aren’t as horrible or devastating as you’re seeing.
4.) Is your belief useful? Although a belief may, in fact, be true, it may not be useful. Some beliefs cause more harm than they are worth. You can tell yourself that you are a failure, for example. This belief will probably stop you from trying.
Instead, replace it with a more helpful belief like “Just because I failed once doesn’t make me a failure.” So behave according to your new belief.
By learning to use optimism, you can control anger and improve your health. These four steps will help you overcome your negative tendencies and have a more optimistic outlook on life.