By 
Would you agree that there are few places more lonely than being in a loveless relationship? Spending time with someone who is clearly bored, disinterested, perhaps even angry with your mother’s presence slowly destroys your confidence, self-esteem, and belief in yourself. It may even question your ability to maintain future relationships.
Then there are those who have had long and successful relationships that perhaps ended naturally due to health problems or unexpectedly out of nowhere, leaving them lost, desolate and heartbroken. They face doubts about how they will heal, recover, and start over. Being single and alone was never an option for them.
Some people are on a constant mission to find partners for their single friends, and they seem to feel that something is missing in life. They want everyone to sit comfortably in happy relationships so that they are not alone at social events or holidays. But are their own relationships that great or do they always compromise and rarely do what they would like to do?
Let’s look at being single and lonely and wondering how it’s working out for you.
Being single and lonely doesn’t automatically equate to being lonely, but let’s still reflect on the dangers of being alone for too long.
– Have previous relationships left you feeling lonely and in some way lacking or unsure of what to say or do? Are you afraid that being alone means that ‘everyone’ will look at you in a negative way? If that’s the case, you may feel apprehensive at the prospect of even walking into a room alone, full of doubts, low confidence, and constantly reinforcing a negative mindset.
– Perhaps you are becoming more and more isolated, self-protective and defensive. Being vulnerable, exposing too much of yourself can seem counterintuitive. While the need to take care of ourselves is understandable, we must also appreciate that building relationships means being open and receptive to others. It is an important part of life and a valuable skill when we want to have some kind of interactive and successful relationship with others.
– Some newly single people prefer not to live alone at first. Sharing a house can be a good stepping stone, as it is a means of having both private space and knowing that there is a company nearby. It can be a less expensive option and not as binding as buying or renting, providing a breathing space to consider which steps are the best to take.
– Being alone can become a habit. How often do we hear someone say that they are too determined to change or commit to a new relationship! But if they met someone and were really attracted to it, I doubt they would think twice about adapting their routine or habit patterns. They would be prepared to give it a try, try something new, enjoy the excitement, and hope to be more flexible in their perspective.
– A comfort zone tends to get smaller the more time we spend in it. Over time, doing what we’ve always done becomes easier, while making changes or efforts can become less and less attractive. Staying there for too long can ultimately become boring and unsatisfying. But eventually, it becomes second nature to settle into an ‘I’m too old to change’, ‘I’ve had my life’ mentality, even though a few tweaks and a little effort could reinvigorate the present and the future for you. .
– Do childcare responsibilities keep you from finding a new partner? Making time to connect or go out and negotiate the dynamics of a new relationship may seem like an unnecessary hassle, but small steps can make all the difference in getting back into a new social scene. Could you alternate babysitting with another single parent? you have their kids one afternoon, evening, or maybe an occasional sleepover and then they return the favor. Doing so could free both of you for a few hours and give you time to shop, have a leisurely lunch, or a night out.
– Hiring a different hairdresser to style your hair can introduce a whole new look and revitalize your confidence levels. Making a few modifications to your wardrobe can jumpstart your steps and inspire you to go out and make new friends. Even if you are happy to be single, not looking for romance and a new partner, a few simple steps can add some zest to life to make you feel even more positive about being single and alone.
– What to talk about can be a serious problem if we have been single and alone for a while. Casual chat isn’t easy for everyone, especially if recent interactions have tended to be more formal, work-related, and purposeful. But we can make an effort to remedy this by keeping up to date with local news, popular television, interesting shows and events, so that we make sure we are equipped to join in on conversations on topics of interest.
Being single and can only be okay and is definitely better than settling for the wrong or not the best relationship. But also remember the importance of maintaining a balanced approach to life and making sure your relationship choices are positive for you.