By 
I know you can’t see it right now. It’s all so gloomy and you can’t see it happen today and if you do it all is a scary thing, a life empty of meaning and happiness. Drop it now! Trust me, your mind can’t do the work for you right now. It’s so unstable and vulnerable that even if you can’t control it right now, you can at least be sure this isn’t the end. And that things will get better.
I’ve been where you are: many sleepless nights, desperate dreams, days crying and curling up in bed wondering how you’re going to survive with such a broken heart and in such terrible pain. The fear. The saltiness of extreme sadness like nothing else you have ever imagined or experienced before in your life. Loneliness.
I got it. I’ve been to hell and back a few dozen times in the last 11 months. I know how you feel; exactly, every minute of it; the struggle, the strong currents of maddening and conflicting emotions, the depression. I’ve been through it all. There is nothing that shakes your balance like a lost love.
If you’ve just broken up with your lover, don’t spend as much time as I did suffering terribly. You could master the skills to cope with this agony and at the same time pave the way for him/her to come back to you SOON! Don’t make the same mistakes I made that delayed the reconciliation process.
The good news is that getting your ex back is perhaps easier than you thought. The bad news is that it takes a lot of work, it’s not about focusing on the other person: changing him, being aware of what he’s doing, who he’s seeing and what you can do to stop him from doing it, to manipulate him. , make him think or love/miss us (although there are techniques to do it but in the long run it is not about anything like that), but mainly to work on oneself.
I heard that a lot: work on yourself, focus on yourself. I didn’t really get the gist of what it meant, on the most substantive and intuitive level, until recently, after months of utter angst.
I found the answer: there is only one way to get your ex back, that is to make yourself happy, content and excited about life. To build your life apart from your ex and find it a source of endless enjoyment. To live life to the fullest. To love yourself above all. Believing that you, for yourself, deserve to be loved and treated with the utmost respect, no more, no less. You need to change your life to get the love you deserve, either with your ex or with someone else, presumably better.
If you’re not happy with yourself, just… there’s little chance you’ll find yourself on the path to reconciliation easily. And you need a lot of reassurance to stay on track and sane during this trial and tribulation phase. If your mind is hooked and obsessed with wanting to be with your ex, you will be suffering and radiating so much need that it will in turn translate into aggravating and unbalanced behavior that will repel him.
At one point, I even hired a coach to help me deal with myself. Yes, you yourself are your number one enemy in the reconciliation process. You are plagued with self-esteem issues, you are not sure if you are lovable enough for your ex to want to get back with you. In despair of him, he is doing the very things that push him further away. Only when you can conquer yourself can you conquer the world (with him in it). That is the eternal message of all the sages of all times.
The experience of a broken heart is life changing: one in which you are forced to grow up fast. Even if you don’t get your lover back, you will come out of this a better and wiser person and you will be a better partner in your future relationship. You can’t skip this painful period, but you can shorten it and get back on your feet sooner by learning from other people’s experience.
Read this again: this is not the end of the world. No, it doesn’t matter how bad you screwed up, how much you hurt him, how bad the fight you had was. Every relationship has its mountains and valleys. You’re rock bottom now, things can only get better. Believe in it (I know it’s hard to get it right right now, but at least you can fake it).
Understand this, you need to cry, so cry… but instead of wasting your time and energy crying more than necessary, you can start putting yourself on the path to reconciliation. You can start putting yourself and acting together NOW. Stop the obsessive phone calls, the texts, the pleas, the pleas, the negotiations, the crying, the threats, the apologies, the persuasions… all that comes instinctively after a painful breakup but only pushes your partner away. lover.
Yes, you can start now without their consent, without even their help, and without even contacting them, begging them, pleading with them, crying to them with all your heart. You can start now by simply believing that this is all temporary until you meet again and in the meantime it’s time for you to get excited about life, being independent and being able to do all the things you always planned to do but never had the chance to do. them.
If you just put those worries about the future aside and just live your life NOW, you are halfway to getting back together with them. It sounds counter-intuitive but it is not. In fact, worry and doubt will delay reconciliation. You need to be able to worry less. Everything I say is very difficult at first, but at least you can pretend.
Fake it for now, do whatever it takes to make yourself believe that your meeting with your lover is a GIVEN. It’s just a matter of time. Once you recover and get control of your wild emotions, everything else will fall into place and what I say will start to make sense to you.
I’ve been where you are, so trust me. It took me months longer than I should have to get to where I am now. So if you follow my advice, you can shorten that period of suffering. You can’t trust your own negative thoughts right now. I am writing a book of my experience in which I specify techniques and things I did to tame my crazy emotions. Whatever you have in your mind will become your reality, such is the power of your mind.
The more you fear, the less secure the future you want. Remember, you must first make yourself happy to get your lover back. So don’t waste your time, do it NOW. Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy (anything legal/healthy, of course), no matter how slow and unmotivated you are right now. You can go back to crying and snuggling up in bed every once in a while when you feel like it, but there are so many things you can do to start cultivating happiness on your own.